Hello everyone! Sorry for the brief hiatus. Between work and travel I haven’t been getting nearly enough sleep. Something had to be put on the backburner so that I wouldn’t go mad. Besides, I’d rather write something worthwhile instead of scrounge half-awake to write a post that wasn’t from the heart… or a rambling post that made sense only to a Martian. But I’m back. How’ve you been?  So without further ado, check out today’s post about the monsters that come out once the weather heats up.

An Open Letter to the Horndogs:

Dear Creepers, Gropers, Starers, and Pervs:

Please STOP!

So am I the only gal that’s noticed that the men in the world have thrown all caution out the window and have gotten even more aggressive in pursuing all of us gals now that hot summery days are here? (And not in a good way)

Is there something weird about stickily hot days and humid nights that brings out the inner horndog in men?

It seems to me that the minute spring (what spring?) was over and summer began, men everywhere couldn’t hold it in anymore.

From creepy coworkers who, much like a toddler throws a bowl of spaghetti at a wall to see if a single noodle will stick, were suddenly hitting on every woman in the office and committing blatant [and might I add, completely unwelcome and unwanted] sexual harassment,

to strangers that we might have given our numbers to a year ago calling us four times in a day…

One might begin to ask, how did I find myself in an episode of Sex In The City or Game of Thrones?

Ahhhhh! - gif via
Ahhhhh! – gif via

Young, or old… Rich, or poor, doesn’t matter. This phenomenon seems to have affected men from all walks of life.

Suddenly, it becomes impossible to walk a block without getting catcalls, or a homeless men telling you’ve passed who tells you that you’re the sunshine of his day, beautiful lady.

At first, I thought, maybe it’s because all the girls are wearing cute dresses, sandals (ew, don’t comment on my pedicure or feet, creepy foot fetishists!), but then I noticed it was happening regardless of what I looked like, was wearing, or the radiance of my smile.

You might look a hot mess with some goggle-like [but not at all hipstery] glasses and a messy mop on your head (did I mention it’s humid? insert Afro or fuzzball onto head)… but yet men continue to ask you out, ring your doorbell every night to see if you’re home, or follow you from the grocery store. What is wrong with the world?

Ok, ok, so maybe some women enjoy getting a little extra attention, but I, for one, prefer not to be treated like an object, or just any girl you might throw against a wall to see if I stick to it.   And I certainly don’t appreciate fifty year old men I work with turning their chair to stare at me for five minutes while I swivel to pretend I don’t notice (You think I’m exaggerating? Think again!).

Britney Spears says stop that, you're giving me the swivels - gif via
Britney Spears says, stop that, you’re giving me the swivels – gif via

Fun fact: I’m coining the phrase, “He gives me the swivels” about all the men that cause us to swivel our chairs to turn away from their leering eyes and pervy comments.

I also would prefer someone had a nice conversation with me about something deep, instead of telling me that I’m beautiful… nowcomeovertomyplace!

And it’s not just the young, the single or the flirtatious ladies that are being affected. The pervs are shamelessly asking out happily married women, forcing themselves into the personal space [stop rubbing up on me while you “hold the door open for me”] of elegant divorcees of fifty, and even “harmlessly” asking their younger female bosses if they know of any good happy hour places – cuz they’re looking for a good time.

“Oh, Mirabelle!” you might say, “Enjoy the summer. Find a summery fling and have fun.”

But no, no, no. The creepiness that has caused men to grope us, leer at us and downright mistreat us when we politely decline to let them. It makes me feel threatened (and rightfully so because when I reject a man he typically either yells at me, insults me, or calls me a slut, ironically)…

and then I’m much less likely to flirt with the guys who do deserve my attention since I have no idea if I’m risking my safety by opening up a bit.

Again, you’re probably like, “Pero mira, Mira! Not all men are like this. Not all men have completely let go of any potential inhibitions to risk their careers and reputations in order to inappropriately harass girls like you.”

What my hair looks like when it's humid - image via
What my hair looks like when it’s humid – image via

And I admit that you’d be right.

So, let’s scratch the top part of this post, and say that not all men are doing this, not even half…

but when you start to feel the walls closing in around you since you experience upwards of five incidents of harassment every day, you might start to wonder where the gentlemen have gone to… (insert some Canada geese migrating to … Canada here!)

Why aren’t they at least speaking out against the madness, or taking your mind off of things playing Word With Friends with you?

So gentlemen, please be extra nice (but not creepy). Don’t stare.   Stop commenting on our appearance, instead just talk to us about the World Cup or about our fun summer plans. Don’t ruin it for all men by causing the ladies to become so defensive that we don’t let anyone near us in fear of being attacked on our doorsteps. Thanks in advance!

Sincerely,

Mirabelle.

Have you noticed a change in people this summer? Is it global warming, or has this been the case every impossibly humid summer? (Also, have you been to Canada, because even the homeless men there don’t hit on you. Polite in paradise!)

To end this on a positive note, and especially if you’re looking for a life coach, read this about Amy Poehler!

Images via here and here, and GIFs via here and here.

Please comment, share your thoughts and let me know what you think. Please help me keep this a positive forum, though. I am so excited for some debate, but let’s respect each other please. I reserve the right to monitor and delete inappropriate posts. Thanks in advance!

2 thoughts on “Horndogs of Summer

  1. I wonder if this varies a lot by place. I haven’t experienced this at all in LA, but it probably depends on what neighborhood you’re in. Perhaps this is more of an east coast thing? I hope this major case of the swivels ends soon!

    1. Thanks, girly! Glad to hear that your city isn’t as bad! As for me… Autumn is coming.

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