I generally don’t recognize Valentine’s Day as a real holiday. My current thoughts on the matter: we should always celebrate the ones we love, it shouldn’t just be when big chocolate companies and greeting card people pressure us into buying stuff.
I’ve gone through years when I hated Valentine’s Day because I felt really excluded when all my friends were celebrating with their boyfriends, husbands, fiancés, etc, and I felt like the only person on the planet who had never had a boyfriend, much less a Valentine. From when I was seven, to when I was an awkward teen, to being in my twenties, I wallowed in my loneliness every Valentine’s Day.
Some years were better than others, but even after my sweet friends sent me cards or chocolates, or even flowers, I still always felt like it was out of pity. Generally many of my friends had boyfriends to take them out for something special that night, and I would inevitably be left on my own that night. I knew that I couldn’t text them or call them today beyond the required “Happy V-day,” or if I did I probably wouldn’t get a response, for what is more sacred than spending Valentine’s Day with your loved one?
I also felt kind of sad doing things with my single girlfriends today since I felt like everyone would be wishing they had a sig-other to do the same things we were doing as a group.
Some years I planned ahead by scheduling exciting things for myself to try to get my thoughts off of the day, and some years I failed miserably, watching chick flicks and getting increasingly melancholy.
But as years came to pass, I finally came to see that I could make Valentine’s Day into whatever I wanted. I didn’t have to let it get to me. A few years ago, I started to feel a bit better about myself on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t feel like I needed to hide in my house in the fear that the cashier at my CVS would ask me my Valentine’s Day plans, and then give me a sad look when I said I didn’t have any. I didn’t feel weird about buying myself the flowers I’d normally buy myself, and I certainly loved that my favorite flowers were on sale on the 15th since flowers bring joy to me on every day.
Anyways, I hadn’t planned on putting anything up about the “day of love” today because I don’t like to give any more time or thought to the made up holiday that I still think has become way too commercialized.
But as I sat on my patio in the sun this gorgeous afternoon realizing that I was glad that I had already done my tampon run to CVS last night, and that I could remain in my safe zone for as long as I wanted, I had a funny moment when I opened up my Spotify account for some relaxing music to get me into the mood to write something for the week.
While I had forgotten about the ill-fated day this morning, eating the leftover waffles I had left from my Galentine’s Day celebration last night, Spotify was about to ruin my blissful ignorance!
For you see, Spotify appreciates that there are some who are looking for sweet love songs to get into a romantic mood for tonight, and there are some who are just getting over a painful breakup, and that there are some who hate the very idea of V-day.
Spotify wanted to meddle in my life by suggesting all of the different feelings it assumed I had on the topic. First, it suggested that I listen to “I LOVE YOU” love songs. Next to that, in case this was not what I came to Spotify for, it suggested I listen to “I HATE YOU” anti-love songs. Then more
Valentine’s Day Love Songs” and “Love Pop!” playlists were highlighted. And then in case I was that crazy feminist who takes issue with Valentine’s Day itself, they suggested a “Anti-Valentine’s Day” playlist which I could only assume had Avril Lavigne style songs about your girlfriend! Thankfully, I could choose to get out of the love/anti-love sphere altogether with the “Totally Stress Free” playlist that started off with some Jason Mraz, She & Him and Kat Stevens.
It just made me laugh a bit because no matter how OK I am about not having plans with a sig-other today, there will always be reminders from corporations to bank on my romantic endeavors or lonelinss. Sephora knowing that I am more likely to buy myself makeup on a day I feel most alone (you guys saw the “VIBXOXO” code, right?) Google quoted Jane Austen on love this morning (probably to remind me finish reading Death Comes to Pemberley, which consequently is SO FUNNY!).
Anyways, all of this to say that I’m happy that after around twenty or thirty Valentine’s Days, that I was finally at peace enough with myself, and with the reality that V-day has taken over the world. I won’t cry today. I won’t feel sad for myself for being single. I won’t hide from the world on purpose, but I also won’t feel the need to go out there to prove that I’m ok.
Nay. Today, I’m grateful for the friends that make me feel loved, deal with all of my insecurities year after year, and who read my blog, no matter the number of typos, rants, or theme repeats. Life doesn’t define you by whether you’re married, single, divorced, or still a child. You’re defined by the love you share with others every day. Big moments. Little moments. They’re all the same.
Today, no matter if you are with your favorite people, or if your favorite people are otherwise occupied, remember that every day is about love. And that just because some choose to celebrate their romantic relationships today, that there are plenty of people who just want to have a mellow day.
I wish you the very best day! Feel free to crank whatever music you fancy! I, for one, played Sia’s Chandelier on repeat for a couple hours before realizing I should probably find some other music.
What music are you listening to today? Leave any and all thoughts today, please! I know that I’m not in the majority on my opinions of this day, and I don’t mean to offend the many (including very dear friends of mine) who use today for a thoughtful and romantic platform to celebrate their sig-others without giving into any commercial standards. No matter how you feel today, smile, because you are loved!!! <3
Please comment, share your thoughts and let me know what you think. Please help me keep this a positive forum, though. I am so excited for some debate, but let’s respect each other please. I reserve the right to monitor and delete inappropriate posts. Thanks in advance!